A Journey of a Thousand Miles
by therevolutionaryprincess
Summary: James Diamond is rushed to the hospital for fatal drug/alcohol overdose, hitting rock bottom, Kendall Knight having one year sober in a successful twelve step program decides to try and 'save' a reluctant James from destroying himself. Is James ready for sobriety? Can Kendall help him? or must he find his own path in this world? Trigger warnings: Alcoholism, drug abuse
1. Chapter 1 The 11th Hour

A Journey of a Thousand Miles

Chapter 1. The 11th Hour

Step 1. " We admitted we were powerless over alcohol [and other substances] and that our lives had become unmanageable"

James

November 5th, 2011

Red and Blue flashed before his eyes, half closed, There were shapes of people leaning over him constantly moving speaking inaudible words, he could hear nothing but the ringing in his ears, like an old fashioned alarm clock. He was moving fast though he was laying down, like he was flying on his back. His eyes closed finally, he couldn't feel his body. He tried to gasp for air but there was none to be found.

_Falling, in the dark, he was falling and he couldn't move. His body was paralyzed and all around was darkness and cold air flying up around his form. Cold...Darkness..._

"_Am I Dead?" he questioned, his lips moved and he felt the air come out but the words sounded as if inside his own head. _

_Ten Days Later ~_

His eyes flew open and he jumped as if he'd been awakened from a bad dream. The walls were white around him and his whole body was connected by wires to various beeping machines. He was wearing a hospital gown, his dirty clothes lay on a chair beside him.

"Where am I?" he tried to speak, but a tube down his throat prevented him.

A nurse, about the same age as his mother, entered the room as he tried to sit up

"Good Afternoon" she said cheerfully with a friendly smile, He tried to respond but the tubes again got in the way.

"no, no, darling don't try to speak, I've got a notepad here, write what it is you need" she responded

She pulled a pen and paper from her pocket and placed it close to his right hand which didn't have an IV or anything attached. She placed the pen in his hand.

' _When can I go'_ he wrote, in a neat boyish type of hand writing.

She read it and frowned slightly, before replying "I don't know, okay? we have to keep you for a few more days, and you have so much to do before discharge" she bit her lip slightly.

'_can you get this tube out of my throat?' _ he wrote

" I'll have to check with the doctor, let me check your vital signs first and then I'll go see about it" she responded

A few minutes later his blood pressure, heartrate, and breathing had been checked, and she wrote numbers down on his chart, she pointed out where the nurse call button was located and then left.

About an hour later a female doctor came in, She had white blonde hair cropped short, she was tall and stylishly dressed under her lab coat wearing black flat shoes. Her eyeglasses dangled from a beaded chain fastened around her neck. Accompanying her was a younger man, in a sweater vest and jeans.

"James, Diamond? right?" she asked He nodded and she handed him the clipboard with the pad.

"I'm Doctor McCorman and this is Doctor Woods he's a psychiatrist" she began.

He nodded again and she cleared her throat loudly.

"Do you know why you are here, James Diamond?" she asked

He nodded and began writing on the paper.

'_I tried to kill myself' _ he wrote, she stood next to the bed where she could see his writing.

"why?" she asked

' _it was my whole world and all the people in it' _he began to write.

' _I was in so much pain I had no choice but to try and end it' _

'_everything it was just so unmanageable' _

"Unmanageable? where did I get that word from" he thought.

"and do you want to die now?" Doctor McCorman asked

' _I don't know why they saved me, I deserved to die, if they had just let me die, it would have made things so much better' _ he wrote quickly but it was still legible,

"James, you were hospitalized because of a chemical created when Heroin and Alcohol mixed, this chemical almost always leads to immediate death, it stops your breathing and messes with your heart" she spoke clearly and seriously, " A woman in your apartment building,found you laying on the floor with your door unlocked, she heard you fall on her way up and stopped to check on you" she added, "you are alive today as a result of her intervention, now I'm a woman of science and medicine but I have unwavering faith, and I know I'm not supposed to speak like this publicly. But I believe there was divine intervention on that night ten days ago, and I don't intend to release you from here until I KNOW that you're going to be 100 percent okay."

He glared at her, what was he twelve again, with all this talk of God and divine intervention, He wanted to go, get out and run back to his apartment above the train tracks, perhaps this time he could throw himself under a train and finish it once and for all.

"the tubes in your throat will be out by the time you wake up in the morning, I'd suggest you get some rest, I'll bring in a sedative for you" Doctor McCorman said and she grabbed the clip board and left the room with a respectful nod of her head.

He stared at the wall for a while, and finally fell back into sleep.

This time he didn't dream he just closed his eyes and fell into sleep.

The Afternoon the next day came and he awoke, his throat feeling raw and red, but the tubes were gone. The IV had been removed from his wrist as well. He sat up in bed, as the same nurse from the previous day came in to check his vitals.

"has anyone been to see me?" he asked,

She shook her head " no one's even called to ask about you, except for your mother, apparently she's postponing a very important meeting be here tomorrow" she replied

"Can I go outside?" he asked " for a smoke" The nurse nodded

" you can smoke in the courtyard, but I have to take you out in a wheelchair, and sit with you the whole time"

A little later he had showered, shaved his face and combed through his hair. He'd dressed in the clothes he'd been wearing the day he was brought in, and sat down in the wheelchair

she pushed him down to the courtyard, when he got outside he pulled the pack from his pocket, Parliaments. He pulled out a smoke and lit it then looked up at the nurse.

" am I supposed to smoke?" he asked "you know with the breathing failure and stuff?"

The nurse looked a bit confused for a minute and then said.

"well the doctor says under no circumstances should you be quitting smoking right now" she said

"you do realize what you're in for right?" she began "you almost had a fatal overdose of heroin, and alcohol, the marks on your arms and legs, you do know they're not going to let you just go home. by the way my name is Melissa" she said

He began to smoke his cigarette and watch the people in the courtyard, A blonde boy stood over by double doors where the windows show some kind of meeting ending inside, he walked over towards James.

"hey man, what's up?" he asked and James looked down to avoid his Carribbean green eyes.

"so um, I heard you're going through some stuff" the boy continued, but instead of standing over James the boy did something peculiar, he crouched down and sat on a rock next to the chair.

"I'm Kendall Knight" he said extending his hand gently for James to shake it and James looked up and shook his hand weakly, Kendall was firm with his handshake.

"I-I'm James, James Diamond" James stuttered nervously.

"so I hear you have a bit of a problem" Kendall began "see what's happening right now is called a Bottom, and once you hit bottom there's nowhere left to go but up"


	2. Chapter 2 The First Step

A Journey of a Thousand Miles

Chapter 2 A Single Step

"A Journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step" ~Confucius

Kendall

November 16th 2011

Kendall paced around outside the doors, waiting for the rest of the people to show up for the meeting. He was twenty minutes early waiting in the alleyway behind a building next to a church, only a small sign on the door marked it as the Rose Clubhouse. It was placed near the corner of Rose St and Court Ave. Miles of city surrounded them but for Kendall the room behind the door seemed like the center of the universe. He lit a Marlboro Red and began to smoke it as he wandered back and forth in front of the steps.

He couldn't stop thinking about the boy in the hospital about his age. he solemnly remembered when he had hit his own bottom. His mind raced. James Diamond, he was told had been brought in for a fatal drug and alcohol overdose, James Diamond who should have been dead 11 days ago and still managed to pull through it. Withdrawal, that's enough to kill a man after he's been sobered up, but James Diamond was fine. He worried, whether James would take his condition seriously, or if on release he would run back to the streets that almost killed him.

Several cars began to arrive, and a girl walked over to Kendall, Camille Roberts, a good friend of his with long dark wavy hair falling about her shoulders. She wore black ankle high boots and jeans with a tee shirt and a leather jacket.

"hey Kendall, you're early today. " she said with a friendly smile.

Kendall shrugged " I know, I made the coffee already, the doors are open if you want to go in" he replied back distantly

Camille nodded, "are you okay, Honey?" she asked, coming over to hug him.

Kendall shrugged " do you remember that guy I talked to? when we had our commitment at the hospital?" he began

She nodded, " you haven't stopped talking about him" she responded

Kendall took a long drag from his cigarette, "well he's like us Camille, he's sick too, and I can't stop worrying about him"

Camille gave Kendall a long stare "Really Kendall?, really?" she inquired

"you can't save people Kendall, they have to find their own way into recovery, and maybe he just isn't ready, besides you talked to him for two seconds, he wouldn't even look you in the eyes, because he knows he's going to get right out and go back out to using" she spoke strictly and critically.

"not if I can help it" Kendall said back to her and began to walk to his car.

He drove fast all the way to the hospital, only stopping for red lights. He walked to the desk and saw the nurse Melissa, he'd known her for a while. She took care of him when he'd been here the last time, he thanked god silently in his thoughts and as she walked away from the desk he followed her down the hall.

" hey Melissa" he began, "can you tell me what room James Diamond is in?" he asked

Melissa smiled back "he's in room 4 ward J" she said "if you don't mind me asking is he a friend of yours?"

Kendall froze for a minute nervously "not really but I have some papers and stuff I want him to read"

She nodded, "well he has to visit the psychiatrist in about 15 minutes so you better hurry"

Kendall smiled lightly "thank you Melissa" he said before rushing off.

When he'd reached room 4 in ward J he knocked lightly on the open door frame.

'Crap!' he thought 'what am I supposed to say?'

" uh, James, right?" he began, "do you have a minute, Man ?" he asked

James turned from where he was standing by the window and nodded lightly.

"yeah I guess" he said feebly before turning his back to Kendall again.

Kendall entered the room silently walking over to the other boy, he put his hand on James shoulder.

"are you okay?" he asked and James shook his hand off.

"m-my Mom just left" he stammered, "s-she told me that I have to-have to..." he trailed off for a moment. he turned towards Kendall.

" I have to stay here, and I'm not allowed to go back to my apartment, because the landlord is throwing me out for not paying my rent. and Doctor McCorman says I have to go to rehab. But my Mom says she's taking me off her insurance once I'm done here. And Melissa told me she was going to help me find a halfway house, and I'm just scared and worried about everything! " James spoke quickly, and Kendall looked at him for a moment as if almost staring through him.

His light brown hair was perfect, though slightly messy and in his hazel eyes that sparkled in the mid-morning sunshine streaming through the windows. Kendall saw the agony in his eyes, bags beneath them and James shook lightly. To Kendall though James was beautiful, even in his erratic, falling apart state, Even in just a simple black tank top and sweatpants.

Kendall smiled lightly and put his hand on James' shoulder, "sit down with me for a minute, I have something I want to show you" he said calmly. He opened his bag and pulled out a red paperback book, with the letters T.A.O. imprinted on the cover in gold words. "see I'm a part of this program, it's a 12 step type thing James. and it's called TAO, for Teaching Addicts to Overcome. And I can't tell you to do anything Man because I know it's something you have to do on your own. but If you want to look it over it's here" Kendall said

James smiled and took the book lightly from Kendall's hand, " you know I don't really need a program." he said it with an attitude, "I'm fine really Kendall Knight, I'm not 'sick' I'm not an, uh an addict. God Damn it!, I just wish everyone would stop telling me what to do!" his aggression flared and he threw the book across the room, hitting the mirror above the dresser and shattering it.

Some of the nurses came to check on the noise and Kendall stood up "Well James Diamond, I really hope whatever you're trying to accomplish works out for you" he said before exiting the room quickly.


	3. Chapter 3 My Life Was Unmanageable

A Journey of A Thousand Miles

Chapter 3. My Life Was Unmanageable

"be the change you wish to see in the world" ~Ghandi

James

November 18th 2011

It was early evening when James sat in his hospital room, staring at the bare space on the wall where the mirror had been, and He wondered why he'd acted that way when Kendall Knight had visited him. Yeah that boy just wanted to help him.

"Fuck that." he whispered to himself as he lounged on the bed watching the TV, it had four channels, The News, Telemundo, PBS, and Soap Operas. He'd been getting into some of these soap operas though. Truth is they'd sounded a lot like his life, parents that got divorced and then worked too hard they couldn't even bear to stop and see their kids.

He would also write in a journal, something the psychiatrist had given him, and he would read his own entries out loud, wondering where he'd fucked himself up along the way. The red book sat in the corner where it had fallen, untouched, out of the way.

"knock" there was a sound at the door.

"James, I've just come to see how you were doing" Doctor McCorman's voice followed the knock, she put her glasses on and stepped in.

" you know, your Mother's insurance ends in three days, and unfortunately your bank account's too empty to pay for rehab." she began "it's time you started to consider your options" she spoke with a slight british accent.

James huffed and then licked his lips, an old nervous habit of his, "what if I'm just terminal?" he started. " what if I'm just too sick to get better, look at me." he whined " I can't go to some kind of sober house, I want to drink. I want to get high again. you know I've tried everything to get a shot of morphine around here" he looked sulkily at her.

"James, let me tell you something." Doctor McCorman said. " you're young, you're beautiful, and you have a whole life to live, sure it'll be different, I know US addicts don't like change"

James looked at her confused "what do you mean US?" he asked "you've probably never done a drug in your life, you probably went to a good school and you've been a doctor for the past decade or something" he sneered.

She shook her head "no, no, James until about five years ago, I was a lot like you, I drank and abused benzos I was prescribed since I was twenty" she said "and then five years ago, I hit rock bottom, I went through a nasty divorce and almost drank myself to suicide, but then I got to rehab." she removed her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose then moved to pick up the red book.

"I went to TAO meetings, daily for the first month, sometimes doing two, three, four meetings a day, Kendall Knight's a good kid, I met him at this hospital too, I shouldn't disclose this, but he came in one night after doing a terrible mix of substances" she whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

"there's a meeting at the hospital every day, the smaller groups are in the chapel, but the big meetings are held on Wednesdays in the meeting room off the courtyard." she put the book in his hand. " you've got potential James Diamond, remember always, that the most important person on this planet is yourself. God put you here for a reason, he kept you from dying that night and he'll keep you well for a long time if you meet him halfway" she finished and patted his hand she stood up and walked out, "and I heard the social worker says she's found you a sober house, third on the list? I believe? Well I can put in a few good words for you IF and only IF I see an effort"

James closed the curtain around the bed after she'd walked out, he didn't want anyone to see him at this point, he placed his face into the pillow and cried. James Diamond cried like he'd never have before, and then he fell asleep.

He woke early for a vitals check and found a note on the nightstand:

_there's a meeting at 9am in the chapel, show me effort _

He sighed lightly and once his vitals had been taken, he went to the bathroom to shower, shave, and take care of his hair. His mother had brought his stuff from home. He dressed in a simple black V-neck and some jeans, with a hoodie and some adidas. His slightly long hair had been blown dry and run through with his lucky comb.

He walked down the hall by himself, finding the door to the chapel he took a gulp and pushed it open.


End file.
